There was a speaker who spoke about the loaves and fishes in Matthew 14. I'm sure you know the story, the one where the disciples tell Jesus to send everyone away, it's time for dinner. And Jesus, in his compassion, looks around and basically says, well, if they're hungry, feed them. And THEY look around and kind of kick the dirt and mutter about how they don't have much food, just five loaves and two fish. Does he then sigh and roll his eyes..."Well, give 'em here then...do I have to feed EVERYONE?"
Okay, maybe it didn't go that way, but that's kind of how I see MY days going. Part of it is PPD, I'm sure, and part is just what's going on in my life. The two are intertwined I'm certain.
Anyway, the point is that at the end of the day, we have what we have. I was (hell, I am) feeling sorry for myself, crying out to GOD....look at this! All I have are these fish, all I have is this bread, and I. don't. have. any. MORE. I can't do this. I am lost and alone and I'm STARVING TO DEATH. No, I'm choking to death on these morsels of fish, on these crumbs of bread...why didn't You give me more???
And it doesn't work to try to have a feast with as little as we carry around. In fact, don't we grasp on to those bitter fish, to the dry bread, begging for more? When we're empty, at the end of our ropes, it's comforting to know what we have, even if it isn't enough. We whine to God that he should GIVE us more. But it seems to me that it doesn't work that way. Throughout the Bible God has asked that we DO. We follow the pillars of fire. We sacrifice our lambs. We have to choose to cross the river Jordan. In the New Testament, we sell all we have to give to the poor, we pick up our crosses to follow...we have to offer up our meager bits to God and say, "This is all I have! I'm giving it to you!" Like Jesus on the shores of the lake, He will take those few loaves, and our measly fish, and turn it into a banquet. Not only will we get fed, but at the end, we'll gather up a multitude of blessings...baskets and baskets worth.