Yearning

At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self.
Brendan Francis 

So obviously I've been lost, I was surfing the web and found a blog to which I wanted to post. I click, type and push enter, only to be told I have to log into blogger. Well, I try to do so, and don't know the password! I finally get it reset and start to explore, and find all these blogs of MINE! What a trip back into time. 

I've been lost for a while, not even realizing it. Just moving day to day, take care of the essentials, but unhappy. Feeling unloved. How can I feel unloved when I have all these friends? I have nine kids! I have a husband who'd drop the world to save me, and I'm alone. 

The past few weeks have been filled with steep reminders of this loneliness. A weekend with a friend where I tried to drown my sorrows in booze and spa pampering. A weekend retreat with my closest church friends. A book club who's chapters focused on how we work with ourselves and with God. Each of those three things told me what I refused to see for myself...that I forgot how to love myself, how to be with myself. I forgot the steps of SELF RESPECT....found a poster on Facebook that reminded me what self respect is....

Set goals
Exercise
Love yourself
Focus on Fitness
Rest and Relax
Eat right
Smile
Portray positive
Enjoy Life
Care for others
Tell yourself you can do this

So, I can do this. I can find my lost self.....