* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
* Life is sexually transmitted.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?