Swing of things

I'm starting to think that just doesn't exist...the 'swing of things'. We've spent two weeks trying to get back into the swing of things, and it's just not going well. I think I'm trying to jump into my expectations without building up with the kids...I can hardly handle my own expectations, much less teaching the kids.

Which reminds me of this quote by Samuel Johnson: It is generally known, that he who expects much will be often disappointed; yet disappointment seldom cures us of expectation, or has any effect other than that of producing a moral sentence or peevish exclamation.

The struggle now is to change my expectations...I don't want to lower them, because I do feel that children rise (or drop) to fit your expectations. However, the expectations should be appropriate, and that is where I struggle. Zane and I were both raised with expectations that were perhaps developmentally inappropriate due to circumstances. We are both fine, wonderful (if I say so myself lol) people, but we both have unrealistic ideals. Or perhaps they are fine, and society has failed us.

Anyway, my own disappointment has been high and I can feel that peevishness every day. I'm sick of it, so I'm giving it the ol' heave-ho. I'm disappointed in myself, mostly, because I should be able to handle this....craziness. I did so for ten years without a struggle. Over time I've dropped some of my responsibilities, passed them to my husband, trained up the older children to be helpers. I'm studying to be content. It may or may not happen. For now, i'm going to sit here and laugh at Talia, who is studying magnetics. She's sorely amazed at the fact that our magnetic salt grinder will hold a spoon. It defies what she expects from silverware. And perhaps I need to sit back, drop my expectations along with all my spoons, and just live Amazed.

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